Lukewarm Lady

Lukewarm Lady: Exploring the Journey from the Woman I am to the Woman God has Called me to be.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
-- Marianne Williamson

I don’t love to write. Its not even one of the things I’m great at that I just happen to not like to do regardless of how good I am at it. I just plain don’t like to sit down and pen my feelings, usually because even at 23 with bachelors in social work, expressing my feeling is still not one of my strong suits. However, I have come to a place in my life where I have a ridiculous abundance of free time..Sometimes an entire 24 hours where I have no commitments aside from brushing my teeth. So I decided that with all this free time, and with the very minimal amount of funds I bring in, it is time I start challenging myself and making these challenges free, at least in terms of money. One of the benefits of my free time has been the to chance to read more. I’ve been getting lost  lately in   Bittersweet and Cold Tangerines, the first and second book from author Shauna Niequist. I Love Shauna Niequist. I love her because she is a real woman and because she is a great woman. I could be wrong, I I mean I have never spoken with her ,but it seems to me she is a woman who believes in God’s grace and his awesome plan for her, she believes in sisterhood and encouraging other women, she believes in the beauty that comes from experience whether it be your own or learning about those of someone else.  I will be 24 in about 5 months and while I am so glad that God has used his awesome mercy and power to restore to make sure that I am definitely not anywhere near the woman I was a year ago, It is still very clear that I am not the woman I was meant to be. I realized that I am probably not as intentional about this as I should be. Being a great woman apparently doesn’t just happen to you. You have to work your way into it, like a really good pair of jeans.  I’m hoping that in watching me explore this road, you will find yourself inspired to do the same  as there are just not enough women striving to be great anymore, at least not for the sake of glorifying God and stirring up the same goal up in others. We live in a sometimes sad reality where most women are just waiting to become a Mrs. and are usually trading their Ms. for someone who does not deserve them. It’s my desire that more and more women will find contentedness with God and learn to love the awesome women he has created them to be. I realize  23 year-olds not are all the same but on the other hand, being in yours twenties seems to be for most about making choices and recovering from them, figuring out the  allusive “who are you” question and just a lot of introspection and meeting with friends at Starbucks to talk about all of this. I’ve made most of the mistakes women in their 20s have made: I’ve dated my fair number of fixer uppers, paid way too much attention to my weight and whether or not I should start using wrinkle cream. I have indulged way too much, needed certain relationships way, way, way too much, been unemployed and unhappily employed. I’ve lost and started friendships, left childhood churches, questioned Gods power and plans, held grudges and spent much more money that I had. My credit is such a great representation of the fact that I am a women in my 20’s..searching…desperately to figure out where to go from here and how to incorporate the sometimes seemingly ancient word of God into this plan.  Im terrified, but willing, to explore who God is calling me to be.